"Don’t let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith and in purity....Watch your life and doctrine closely. Persevere in them, because if you do, you will save both yourself and your hearers." [1 Timothy 4:12, 16]
We've all the heard the saying, "Walk the walk and talk the talk." This is an important precept for followers of Christ to follow. We may be the only Bible some people will ever see -- is what they hear from your faith-talk consistent with how you live your life?
Paul admonishes Timothy to watch his "life and doctrine closely." Do we talk about God meeting our needs but don't have enough faith to entrust Him with the checking account or tithing? Do we talk about salvation through faith in Christ but walk around with such a low and joyless countenance that people wonder what the big deal is? Do we smile at strangers, knowing that our faces can joyfully present the smile of Christ? Do you say that teaching the Bible is something we should do -- but you don't bring your Bible to church?
We too need to watch our lives and doctrines closely. Do we condemn a man Christ has forgiven? Would we want someone to hold our pasts, sins, and transgressions over our heads -- the very things we have repented of, received forgiveness for, and continue to have thrown in our faces by people with 2x4s sticking out of their eyes? How Christ-like is your life? How biblical is your doctrine?
Paul tells the young preacher Timothy to set an example for believers in "speech, in conduct, in love, in faith and in purity." How much more are we called to do that? Do we set the example, or can one not distinguish a Christian from a resident of the world?
Make sure your life dovetails the doctrine of faith you are called to live.
Monday, November 14, 2011
Thursday, October 20, 2011
What You Can Handle
"No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it." 1 Corinthians 10:13
Have you ever heard anyone say, while trying to comfort you during a particular hard time, "It's in the Bible -- God will never put more on you than you can bear." I am going through a rough patch these days, and I've heard this rationale so many times the past few weeks. Curious, I tried to find that passage in the Bible, and the closest I found was the verse from 1 Corinthians 10:13.
If we examine this verse closely, it says nothing about God putting more on us than we can bear. It says God will not allow us to be tempted beyond what we can bear. It also says He will provide a way out so you can endure it.
When going through a hard time, we are so apt to focus on ourselves. When we look at our faces in a compact mirror, we see only our face - we don't see the bigger picture (our body). When we are going through a difficult time, it's hard to focus on the "bigger picture" while we're in the throes of back pain, dealing with insurance companies, arranging for the car to be inspected and the body damage repaired. It's hard to focus on other things besides a kid getting suspended from school two different times in two weeks. It's hard to focus on this problem, that problem, housework, children, everything, when everything seems to pile on all at the same time.
If God puts no more on us than what we can bear, how does that glorify God? That makes little gods out of us, doesn't it? As though God Himself has sprinkled "fairy dust" on us to give us the power to get through life. I believe that things pile on us and keep piling and keep piling until our very lives and schedules look like a reject from a tv show about hoarding. If we are at the end of our ropes, and feel like we will fall if the One More Thing happens, that is precisely the time for God to answer prayers and make things happen -- not to crown us, but to glorify Himself. Where would we be without Jesus our Lord? It is not about us -- our issues, our personal strength, our goings-on, but it is all about how we handle our problems through Jesus Christ. HE provides the comfort. HE provides the safety and strength. HE provides the peace that passes all understanding.
It is not about how much we can bear. Our shoulders are so puny. We can't handle every ball that is thrown at us. It is about how much of that load we're willing to give to God. As the 1 Corinthians passage states, "God is faithful." God has a plan for each of us, and if that means that we have to go through trials and tribulations for others to see how God can answer prayers and provide the peace that passes all understanding -- WOW! What a blessing and honor it is to be used by God to be an instrument of witness for Him.
Praises to His Name.
Have you ever heard anyone say, while trying to comfort you during a particular hard time, "It's in the Bible -- God will never put more on you than you can bear." I am going through a rough patch these days, and I've heard this rationale so many times the past few weeks. Curious, I tried to find that passage in the Bible, and the closest I found was the verse from 1 Corinthians 10:13.
If we examine this verse closely, it says nothing about God putting more on us than we can bear. It says God will not allow us to be tempted beyond what we can bear. It also says He will provide a way out so you can endure it.
When going through a hard time, we are so apt to focus on ourselves. When we look at our faces in a compact mirror, we see only our face - we don't see the bigger picture (our body). When we are going through a difficult time, it's hard to focus on the "bigger picture" while we're in the throes of back pain, dealing with insurance companies, arranging for the car to be inspected and the body damage repaired. It's hard to focus on other things besides a kid getting suspended from school two different times in two weeks. It's hard to focus on this problem, that problem, housework, children, everything, when everything seems to pile on all at the same time.
If God puts no more on us than what we can bear, how does that glorify God? That makes little gods out of us, doesn't it? As though God Himself has sprinkled "fairy dust" on us to give us the power to get through life. I believe that things pile on us and keep piling and keep piling until our very lives and schedules look like a reject from a tv show about hoarding. If we are at the end of our ropes, and feel like we will fall if the One More Thing happens, that is precisely the time for God to answer prayers and make things happen -- not to crown us, but to glorify Himself. Where would we be without Jesus our Lord? It is not about us -- our issues, our personal strength, our goings-on, but it is all about how we handle our problems through Jesus Christ. HE provides the comfort. HE provides the safety and strength. HE provides the peace that passes all understanding.
It is not about how much we can bear. Our shoulders are so puny. We can't handle every ball that is thrown at us. It is about how much of that load we're willing to give to God. As the 1 Corinthians passage states, "God is faithful." God has a plan for each of us, and if that means that we have to go through trials and tribulations for others to see how God can answer prayers and provide the peace that passes all understanding -- WOW! What a blessing and honor it is to be used by God to be an instrument of witness for Him.
Praises to His Name.
Tuesday, July 12, 2011
Fire
"Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus. Do not put out the Spirit’s fire. Do not treat prophecies with contempt but test them all; hold on to what is good..." [1 Thessalonians 5:16-21]
Moses gained a purpose and mission when he encountered a burning bush, which seemed to be encased in fire but not burnt up. The early church received the gift of the Holy Spirit when "tongues of fire" moved from person to person. Now, spiritually mature people recognize when the Spirit is moving...it's a tangible presence more than a feeling. The Spirit is present when a person who is facing trials and tribulations can still sing praises to God and offer up prayers of thanksgiving. The Spirit is present when there is spiritual growth in the midst of suffering.
Do I thank God that my son was born with autism? Yes, for it was because of that autism that forced me to teach him about God in concrete terms, which solidified my own faith....and Sam's. Do I thank God that, through Him, I survived a marriage that was filled with domestic violence and abuse? Yes...because through that, God has blessed me with a witness and testimony to help others.
It is in remembering what God has done in the past that we can look forward to the future with faith and certainity. It's when we don't remember that we run into problems. It's when we cast off the past completely and try to fix things ourselves that we run into a wall, and douse water on the Spirit's fire. Psalm 106 recounts the Hebrews journey from Egypt and remembers what the Lord did. The Psalm also recounts the sin of the Hebrews in not making the Lord their God, the Lord their God. But despie all this, "...He took note of their distress when he heard their cry; for their sake he remembered his covenant and out of his great love he relented" [Psalm 106:44-45].
So what do we do? We rejoice, we pray, we give thanks in all circumstances, we do not put out the Spirit's fire, we question, and we hold to what is good.
Moses gained a purpose and mission when he encountered a burning bush, which seemed to be encased in fire but not burnt up. The early church received the gift of the Holy Spirit when "tongues of fire" moved from person to person. Now, spiritually mature people recognize when the Spirit is moving...it's a tangible presence more than a feeling. The Spirit is present when a person who is facing trials and tribulations can still sing praises to God and offer up prayers of thanksgiving. The Spirit is present when there is spiritual growth in the midst of suffering.
Do I thank God that my son was born with autism? Yes, for it was because of that autism that forced me to teach him about God in concrete terms, which solidified my own faith....and Sam's. Do I thank God that, through Him, I survived a marriage that was filled with domestic violence and abuse? Yes...because through that, God has blessed me with a witness and testimony to help others.
It is in remembering what God has done in the past that we can look forward to the future with faith and certainity. It's when we don't remember that we run into problems. It's when we cast off the past completely and try to fix things ourselves that we run into a wall, and douse water on the Spirit's fire. Psalm 106 recounts the Hebrews journey from Egypt and remembers what the Lord did. The Psalm also recounts the sin of the Hebrews in not making the Lord their God, the Lord their God. But despie all this, "...He took note of their distress when he heard their cry; for their sake he remembered his covenant and out of his great love he relented" [Psalm 106:44-45].
So what do we do? We rejoice, we pray, we give thanks in all circumstances, we do not put out the Spirit's fire, we question, and we hold to what is good.
Monday, June 13, 2011
Guarding what you have entrusted
"That is why I am suffering as I am. Yet this is no cause for shame, because I know whom I have believed, and am convinced that he is able to guard what I have entrusted to him until that day." [2 Timothy 1:12]
Ah, the life of an infant. My 14-month old daughter wakes in the morning, and she knows without a doubt that once she cries, or talks, I will go in her room, say "good morning!" and pick her up. She knows that her needs will be taken care of; there is no need to wonder, question or even ask. Laura knows that I will change her diaper, strap her into the highchair, and place breakfast before her. She trusts that I will take care of her.
One day in the not-too-distant future, I will have to take Laura shopping for a kindergarten bookbag, a pencil case, brand-new crayons and order a left-handed pair of scissors for the little southpaw. And when the time comes, she will trust me to drive her to the school, open the door, and let her go. Let her go out into the world where kids tease and pull hair and steal, and I'll drive off, crying, and praying she will be safe.
Praying she will be safe -- the verse from Second Timothy has a wow moment for me. It calls me on the carpet to solidify my faith in Christ Jesus. "Because I know who I have believed" -- wow. Whom do I believe? I believe in Jesus Christ, the Only Son of the Only Living God, who cares enough to dispatch a fleet of angels at a moment's notice to guard me and mine. I believe in Jesus Christ, the Son of the Living God, who died for me, rose for me, and will come back for me.
But is believing in Jesus enough? No. Even the devils believe in God -- and shudder. We need to move beyond a shudder faith and into a victorious faith, where we move beyond believing in God and start Believing God. When we shift our faith from believing IN God, to believing God, we move from a stagnant to a proactive faith, a faith so powerful that it caused Peter's mother-in-law to rise from her bed upon being healed by Christ to serving Him.
I am convinced that Christ is able to guard what I have entrusted to Him that day. My shoulders are only so big. I cannot carry all the weight of the world on them, especially when my shoulders are so full of worry. This part of Paul's letter to Timothy has two action points: 1. we have to entrust what we are concerned about to Christ. Complete surrender. No less. We can't give it to Him then yank it back. 2. We have to be convinced that He will in fact guard those things that we entrust to Him.
Every day, before your feet hit the floor, give those day's concerns to God. Ask Him to "hem you in, behind and before, and lay His hand upon you" [Psalm 139:5]. Ask Him to guard these things that you are going to fully entrust to Him, and not yank them from His grasp. Name them, one by one -- that client meeting, the science project your kid is presenting that day, behavior issues from another child, your relationship with your spouse.
Entrust your faith to Him and ask Him to guard you, too. Entrust yourself to Him, and have the faith that He can do what He says He will do -- and this Scripture plainly says that He will guard what you entrust to Him. Know Whom you believe.
Peace.
Friday, April 8, 2011
Be Still
"He says, 'Be still, and know that I am God,'" -- Psalm 46:10
We recently had a terrible storm. It woke us up in the wee hours of the morning that can technically still be called night. But it was not the booming thunder or the sizzling lightening that woke us up -- it was the overwhelming loudness of the quiet, non-powered house. Our power was out. No ceiling fan whirled above our bed, no CPAP machine made its little whirring noise on my husband's nose, no refrigerator hummed in the kitchen. And the loudness of that echoed in our ears.
We are told in Scripture to "be still," and know that He is God...yet we find this to be so very difficult, to the point that we are disturbed by the absolute quiet of the absence of power. Being still is difficult for infant, child, teen and adult alike.
When we are faced with the opportunity to be quiet, and still, and to focus on God, our mind wanders to seven different to-do lists. Why is this? What is it about being still and quiet that makes us quake in our squeaky sneakers and fidget? Must we have the loudest ring tone on our phone? Must we apply every little noise to every little action on our computers?
The only saving grace in this is we're not alone. No one likes quiet. Ask any parent what "quiet" means and they will tell you that children are up to no good. The Christian walk is not easy, nor is it intended to be. The path is narrow, not wide. In order to be an effective Christian, we have to turn down the volume of stuff, of voices around us, of to-do lists and madness and chaos in our lives, and seek out His face.
Have you ever simply asked God to help you focus on Him? Have you asked Him to help you to be quiet and study the Scriptures? In this fast-paced, mad world we live in, slowing down and simplifying our lives to the point that we cut out all the junk, turn off the TV, and focus on the good things of God, is almost against the nature of society. But isn't that what Christians are supposed to do? Leaving the world behind, and focusing on the things of God?
Trimming the day's activities to fit in a quiet time to be alone with God is backwards. We should work the day's activities around a quiet time to be alone with God. Tithing time is as important as reaching for the checkbook every Sunday.
Close your eyes, think on God's Person, and simply pray, without checking your watch, worrying, or wondering what that noise is....it will still be there. "Be here now," and enjoy the quiet stillness of peace that being with God provides.
Amen.
Monday, April 4, 2011
Storms of Life
Many times life-storms pop up unexpectedly -- a sudden illness, overwhelmed by the busy-ness of life, financial issues, terminal disease, a personal tragedy. It does seem to pile on. During some of these storms we experience the very power and presence of God -- how comforting that is!
Sometimes, though, just when we feel like we need an extra measure of God's presence, why does it seem like we're praying to a wall? We pray and pray and enlist others for prayer, and still we ask -- where is God? Is God on vacation during this most difficult of personal trials? Is He asleep at the wheel? Where was God during that time?
The disciples certainly felt like that -- there they were, on a boat in the middle of the lake when suddenly a furious storm popped up. Jesus was in the boat, but asleep. How many times have we found ourselves screaming, "Lord, save us! We're going to drown in this sea of debt! We're going to die! We're going to divorce! We're going to lose our job, our house!"
There was no shrill panic in Jesus' voice as He replied, "You of little faith, why are you so afraid?"
You see, we may not sense Christ's tangible presence in our lives at times, during storms of life. But for followers of Jesus, He is still in the boat. It is up to us as believe in His power and presence not based on our personal feelings, but based on His perfect promises. "And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age," Jesus said [Matthew 28:20b].
So -- what do we do? When we get bombarded by the storms of life -- a sudden summer thunderstorm or a Category 5 hurricane -- we don't tell our God how big the storm is. We tell the storm how big our God is. We pray -- not for His presence which is already there -- but for the peace that passes all understanding, a peace that only Christ can provide, and for clarity and a sense of His perfect will in whatever decisions need to be made.
Christ sometimes shields His presence from us for one purpose -- to make us hunger for it all the more, for us to realize we cannot do this alone. We cannot go through these storms by ourselves. We need Christ. Faith is about having the good sense to know that even if we cannot feel His presence, He's still in power and control. There is peace in God's will and presence.
Do not be afraid. Christ is still on the boat.
Sometimes, though, just when we feel like we need an extra measure of God's presence, why does it seem like we're praying to a wall? We pray and pray and enlist others for prayer, and still we ask -- where is God? Is God on vacation during this most difficult of personal trials? Is He asleep at the wheel? Where was God during that time?
The disciples certainly felt like that -- there they were, on a boat in the middle of the lake when suddenly a furious storm popped up. Jesus was in the boat, but asleep. How many times have we found ourselves screaming, "Lord, save us! We're going to drown in this sea of debt! We're going to die! We're going to divorce! We're going to lose our job, our house!"
There was no shrill panic in Jesus' voice as He replied, "You of little faith, why are you so afraid?"
You see, we may not sense Christ's tangible presence in our lives at times, during storms of life. But for followers of Jesus, He is still in the boat. It is up to us as believe in His power and presence not based on our personal feelings, but based on His perfect promises. "And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age," Jesus said [Matthew 28:20b].
So -- what do we do? When we get bombarded by the storms of life -- a sudden summer thunderstorm or a Category 5 hurricane -- we don't tell our God how big the storm is. We tell the storm how big our God is. We pray -- not for His presence which is already there -- but for the peace that passes all understanding, a peace that only Christ can provide, and for clarity and a sense of His perfect will in whatever decisions need to be made.
Christ sometimes shields His presence from us for one purpose -- to make us hunger for it all the more, for us to realize we cannot do this alone. We cannot go through these storms by ourselves. We need Christ. Faith is about having the good sense to know that even if we cannot feel His presence, He's still in power and control. There is peace in God's will and presence.
Do not be afraid. Christ is still on the boat.
Watches of the Night
Four o'clock in the morning. That's what the clock said. I know that for a fact, because I was awake at that time. Worry gripped my heart like a quarterback grips a football. It seems that in the quiet darkness of the night that problems loom larger, fears overtake us, and the enemy prowls around, making our hearts pitter and jump at normal house-settling sounds.
It's at these times that we are called to prayer. The Bible speaks of the "watches of the night." Biblical historians point out that in Old Testament times there were three watches in the which the time between sunseet and sunrise were divided, so watchmen could relieve each other from keeping a close eye to the approach of enemies. In New Testament times the watches were extended to four, probably thanks to the Romans.
Psalm 63:6 states, "On my bed I remember you; I think of you through the watches of the night." The author David had his share of sleepless nights, laying awake looking in the darkness for men trying to kill him. How often do we lie awake, pondering issues and working problems around in our heads like some sort of brain clay? What to do, what to do?
"Arise, cry out in the night, as the watches of the night begin; pour out your heart like water in the presence of the Lord," writes the author of Lametations (2:19). Do we not wrestle with our fears like Jacob wrestled with the Lord? Will we fall lame from the wrestling? Or at least wake in the morning carrying the weight on our shoulders as the bags under our eyes?
I have found that it at times like these, instead of giving more power to the enemy by waking me up and reminding me of my shortcomings, fears, failures, unpaid bills, and my deepest, darkest screts -- I do what Jesus told every person he healed that was laying on a mat: "Get up." Instead of giving the enemy more power, I have learned that it is during the watches of the night that Jesus, my Protector and Shield Who never sleeps, wishes to have a moment of uninterrupted quiet time with me.
So, Bible in hand, I creep through the darkened house and sit in a comfortable sofa, say, "Speak, Lord, for your servant is listening...." and I pray. I pray for all the things that were keeping me awake, all my fears and worries, and more often than not, Jesus touches my need and blesses me with an answer or two or four. The biggest blessing is in the quiet time, in the still of the night, with my Lord.
Then, after deep breaths and a smile on my face, I close my Bible, creep back to bed, and sleep with the peace that passes all understanding -- all because of fellowship with Christ during the watches of the night.
It's at these times that we are called to prayer. The Bible speaks of the "watches of the night." Biblical historians point out that in Old Testament times there were three watches in the which the time between sunseet and sunrise were divided, so watchmen could relieve each other from keeping a close eye to the approach of enemies. In New Testament times the watches were extended to four, probably thanks to the Romans.
Psalm 63:6 states, "On my bed I remember you; I think of you through the watches of the night." The author David had his share of sleepless nights, laying awake looking in the darkness for men trying to kill him. How often do we lie awake, pondering issues and working problems around in our heads like some sort of brain clay? What to do, what to do?
"Arise, cry out in the night, as the watches of the night begin; pour out your heart like water in the presence of the Lord," writes the author of Lametations (2:19). Do we not wrestle with our fears like Jacob wrestled with the Lord? Will we fall lame from the wrestling? Or at least wake in the morning carrying the weight on our shoulders as the bags under our eyes?
I have found that it at times like these, instead of giving more power to the enemy by waking me up and reminding me of my shortcomings, fears, failures, unpaid bills, and my deepest, darkest screts -- I do what Jesus told every person he healed that was laying on a mat: "Get up." Instead of giving the enemy more power, I have learned that it is during the watches of the night that Jesus, my Protector and Shield Who never sleeps, wishes to have a moment of uninterrupted quiet time with me.
So, Bible in hand, I creep through the darkened house and sit in a comfortable sofa, say, "Speak, Lord, for your servant is listening...." and I pray. I pray for all the things that were keeping me awake, all my fears and worries, and more often than not, Jesus touches my need and blesses me with an answer or two or four. The biggest blessing is in the quiet time, in the still of the night, with my Lord.
Then, after deep breaths and a smile on my face, I close my Bible, creep back to bed, and sleep with the peace that passes all understanding -- all because of fellowship with Christ during the watches of the night.
The Toolbox
I tried using a table knife. While the blade fit nicely into the flat-head screw slot, the handle didn't offer enough torque. I sat on the kitchen floor, looking at the cabinet door. It hung precariously by the bottom hinge, oddly off-kilter.
I felt like that cabinet door. My back aching from sitting on the floor, I carefully stood up. I had had back surgery for a catastrophic herniated disk, just three weeks before. I was due to go back to work the next week and wanted to get a few projects done around the house while I still had time and energy. That had been the plan, anyway, until two weeks earlier, I told my abusive husband he had to go. He had refused to do anything to help me or our two boys after the back surgery, which was a result of him throwing me to the kitchen floor in a rage. After praying and mustering up all the faith and fearless power the Holy Spirit afforded me, I finally gathered the nerve up and told him to leave, ending years of abuse and mistreatment of myself and the boys. On Ash Wednesday. Most people just give up chocolate for Lent.
But there I was, stretching my back out in the kitchen and looking at this lopsided cabinet door. "Tools," I said aloud. The ex had acquired custody of all the tools. I got the boys and the house -- he had put up more resistance about the house. But nary a tool to be found.
A thought echoed through my mind, bouncing off brain stem and nodules until it rested squarely on the Cliff of a Hallelujah Chorus-sized Revelation. "I need a toolbox," I said aloud, walking to the computer to check the bank account online. This action, too, was a new-found source of power. Before, money management was something my ex and I never practiced. I tried, but because of the criticism, I stopped. That became a recurrent theme -- criticize me to the point where I cry for trying, and I'll give up. But, according to Paul, God "did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love, and of self-discipline." The abuse I had mistakenly taken for mental illness instead of what it was: mean-spiritedness, had ripped every bit of self-esteem off my delicate shoulders and left in its place a shell of a woman, hollow, but ripe for Christ to plant His fearlessness, His power, His love, and His determination to see this thing through.
The bank statement checked out okay. I gathered my keys and purse and left the house, knowing I needed to pick up the boys from school in about four hours -- plenty of time to do what I needed to do. I drove to a discount store and felt absolutely invigorated by my purposeful action to buy a toolbox. My purse in the cart, I navigated the buggy to the hardware aisle. I examined each empty plastic box as though I was checking for nutritional facts. I finally chose one with a small lid that covered the top part, full of compartments, but then had another lock for the larger inside space. A lift-out cubby completed the ensemble.
Next, I chose the tools. With the Scripture verse in my mind for some reason, "Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand," I chose the tools with a purpose: a screwdriver set with various sizes of Phillips and flat heads; a hammer; wrench; a tape measure. I put the tape measure back, thought that was silly. I chose a variety of screws and nails. After I had placed all this in the buggy, I felt a sense of peace that passed all understanding. I felt like Jesus the Carpenter, the Creator of the Universe, was standing there, choosing the tools with me, felt Him grip the hammer, sizing it up.....
I called my Dad that night. Daddy was in construction and understood the importance of tools, obviously; they were his livelihood. I told him, "I bought a toolbox today and tools to go in it..." and told him all about my purchases and the tape measure I put back. He was quiet as he listened and finally said, "I'm proud of you for taking your life back." That weekend he and Mom came for a visit; Daddy presented me with a gift of a tape measure. He said, "How do you know where you've been -- if you can't measure and track it?"
In choosing that toolbox and the tools to go inside it, God empowered me with a sense that I can do all things through Him. Armed with the right set of tools -- prayer, fellowship with other believers, Bible time, and giving Him all the credit -- there was nothing I could not do, including fixing the cabinet door.
I felt like that cabinet door. My back aching from sitting on the floor, I carefully stood up. I had had back surgery for a catastrophic herniated disk, just three weeks before. I was due to go back to work the next week and wanted to get a few projects done around the house while I still had time and energy. That had been the plan, anyway, until two weeks earlier, I told my abusive husband he had to go. He had refused to do anything to help me or our two boys after the back surgery, which was a result of him throwing me to the kitchen floor in a rage. After praying and mustering up all the faith and fearless power the Holy Spirit afforded me, I finally gathered the nerve up and told him to leave, ending years of abuse and mistreatment of myself and the boys. On Ash Wednesday. Most people just give up chocolate for Lent.
But there I was, stretching my back out in the kitchen and looking at this lopsided cabinet door. "Tools," I said aloud. The ex had acquired custody of all the tools. I got the boys and the house -- he had put up more resistance about the house. But nary a tool to be found.
A thought echoed through my mind, bouncing off brain stem and nodules until it rested squarely on the Cliff of a Hallelujah Chorus-sized Revelation. "I need a toolbox," I said aloud, walking to the computer to check the bank account online. This action, too, was a new-found source of power. Before, money management was something my ex and I never practiced. I tried, but because of the criticism, I stopped. That became a recurrent theme -- criticize me to the point where I cry for trying, and I'll give up. But, according to Paul, God "did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love, and of self-discipline." The abuse I had mistakenly taken for mental illness instead of what it was: mean-spiritedness, had ripped every bit of self-esteem off my delicate shoulders and left in its place a shell of a woman, hollow, but ripe for Christ to plant His fearlessness, His power, His love, and His determination to see this thing through.
The bank statement checked out okay. I gathered my keys and purse and left the house, knowing I needed to pick up the boys from school in about four hours -- plenty of time to do what I needed to do. I drove to a discount store and felt absolutely invigorated by my purposeful action to buy a toolbox. My purse in the cart, I navigated the buggy to the hardware aisle. I examined each empty plastic box as though I was checking for nutritional facts. I finally chose one with a small lid that covered the top part, full of compartments, but then had another lock for the larger inside space. A lift-out cubby completed the ensemble.
Next, I chose the tools. With the Scripture verse in my mind for some reason, "Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand," I chose the tools with a purpose: a screwdriver set with various sizes of Phillips and flat heads; a hammer; wrench; a tape measure. I put the tape measure back, thought that was silly. I chose a variety of screws and nails. After I had placed all this in the buggy, I felt a sense of peace that passed all understanding. I felt like Jesus the Carpenter, the Creator of the Universe, was standing there, choosing the tools with me, felt Him grip the hammer, sizing it up.....
I called my Dad that night. Daddy was in construction and understood the importance of tools, obviously; they were his livelihood. I told him, "I bought a toolbox today and tools to go in it..." and told him all about my purchases and the tape measure I put back. He was quiet as he listened and finally said, "I'm proud of you for taking your life back." That weekend he and Mom came for a visit; Daddy presented me with a gift of a tape measure. He said, "How do you know where you've been -- if you can't measure and track it?"
In choosing that toolbox and the tools to go inside it, God empowered me with a sense that I can do all things through Him. Armed with the right set of tools -- prayer, fellowship with other believers, Bible time, and giving Him all the credit -- there was nothing I could not do, including fixing the cabinet door.
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